I'm feeling a little overwhelmed
today. We've had 2 odd days with Isaac. I told Doug when things are
going like this, I start watching for some new insight from the Lord.
You know, when you are "done" – physically, emotionally exhausted,
spiritually looking for God to move or act or speak – when you have no
way of offering anything to the situation - God often shows up in a
very real way. I don't know – maybe we're just paying better
attention at those moments.
Isaac had something happen Friday night, after we put him to
bed. We didn't hear anything. Doug just went in to check on him, like
we so often do at night. He was laying there – eyes wide open, tracking
from side to side, sweating, snoring and as limp as a dish rag.
Now you have to understand. Isaac has CP and
very high tone. He is very stiff most of the time. He can bend and
relax occasionally. However, even in his sleep, he is never limp. His
hips especially along with his knees never relax, never lay flat. He
sleeps with them bent up or we put a pillow under his knees.
But Friday night, I changed his diaper and his
legs were laying completely FLAT. When I picked up his legs to change
his diaper and then let go, they just flopped. It made my stomach lurch
and I thought I might throw up – it was THAT weird.
So, we surmised he'd had a seizure that we
didn't hear. That freaks us out and we're definitely looking into a
video baby monitor so it doesn't happen again.
He finally closed his eyes and slept. Then
Sat. morning he was weepy, then had extended staring seizures all
morning. He fell asleep around noon and slept until about 5 PM. The
staring seizures continued, so we administered the big meds. They did
not stop the staring. He fell asleep around 10 PM and woke up this
morning at 6:30 and was STILL staring.
So we took him to the ER. As soon as we got
him in a room and there were 3 nurses standing around his bed – he WOKE
up! Started his normal flicking his hands, kicking, vocalizing, etc.
It was amazing and EXTREMELY irritating!!!!! I couldn't believe how mad
it made me that he was acting normal! Isn't that awful???
(Doug says, though, that we're reaping what he
sowed as a child – when his mom took him to the doctor, she would tell
the dr. about the ear ache, sore throat, etc., and Doug would say, "no,
that doesn't hurt. I'm not sick." He said he was so afraid to get a
shot, and thought if he said he was fine, the doctor wouldn't poke him
with the needle!!!!)
they contacted our neurologist, who upped one of Isaac's seizure meds.
The ER dr. gave us a script for eye drops (Isaac had stared open-eyed
for nearly 24 hours, except when asleep, and his eyes looked awful,
blood shot and dry.) Then they sent us home.
I'm so tired. Two nights of barely sleeping,
then early to the ER. We're trying to get everything ready for our trip
to Miami next week. Doug and I are both weepy and a little grumpy –
just feeling very stressed.
am amazed at God's goodness to us. I was thinking today of those old
country western songs. The verses are sometimes long and sad and
enumerate all the awful things that are going on. But then the chorus
eventually has an upswing in tempo, some decision is made and the singer
decides that life will continue.
My life is like that. Sometimes the verses of my life are
sweet and happy, and other times they might be sad. But my life cannot
be one verse after another. I must have a refrain, a chorus that brings
a culmination to my story song.
I get to choose my chorus. It can "gloom, despair and agony"
or "he stopped loving her today" or "the next time he cheats, it won't
be on me" or "you picked a fine time to leave me" or all about "friends
in low places".
BUT as for
me and my house, we have to choose another chorus. Our refrain is
filled with "how great is our God" and "holy, holy, holy". "God is so
good", "when we all get to heaven", "what a day that will be", "the
blood's still there" or "Hallelujah! Praise ye the Lord!" – my chorus
has to praise my Father and testify of His goodness to me.
Does your "refrain" praise Him? What is the
"chorus", the soundtrack so to speak, of your life?