Category: A Door of Hope

I Forgot I Was Grieving

by ObtainingMercy, posted in A Door of Hope, Friendship, How Great is Our God, Just My Thoughts

I am, on balance, a fairly happy person.

I love the Lord, and I love my life.  I feel content in most circumstances.  Even if I get temporarily thrown off my usual stride, I can usually find my equilibrium, so to speak, pretty quickly.

You see, I like peace.  I like to feel peaceful.  I dislike anxiety, fretfulness and worry.

So, I'm learning to focus on my Lord, and to allow His peace to fill me.

That is why I have been extremely frustrated with my self the past month or so. 

I have not felt very peaceful.  I have been quite fretful.  I have been grouchy, cantankerous, and (I say it to my shame) a tad unforgiving lately.

And I don't like being that way!

I have been unhappy with myself that I am feeling unhappy with others and with life in general.

Then, this morning, I was working with Isaac, listening to the music playing in his room, and I just burst into tears.

The song was about Heaven.  I hear songs about Heaven several times every day.  I don't usually break down over them.

This song, however, was about our friends and loved ones who are already in Heaven, how we miss them, and how happy we will be to see them again.

Then I remembered.

Gail.

I am still grieving over losing Gail.

Don't get me wrong.  I think about Gail every day – usually more than once a day.  I mostly think of things that I want to tell her — then I remember that I can't.  So, I move my thoughts on to something else, and get on with my day.

But grief eventually needs its outlet, doesn't it?

I can't keep just pushing it aside for other things, because that's where the discontent comes from.  That's why I'm so easily frustrated and angered and why I hold on to those feelings longer than usual.

I've pushed aside the grieving to get on with my life, but the sadness just isn't disappearing. 

So, today, when I burst into tears, I should have just let those tears continue until I was finished with the crying.  As usual, I stopped them so that I could go about my business.

I think the next time they start, I'm just going to indulge them for a little while.  Maybe some of the anger, fretfulness, anxiety, unforgiveness with flow away with the tears.

Yeah, so I remembered I'm still grieving.  That's ok.  I think I will just give myself a little break today, and grieve for my sweet friend who I am missing so very much.

Our God is such a great God to create us to feel so many emotions, and then build into our very bodies the outlet for those emotions:  tears, laughter, and the huge array in between the two.

I almost wonder that if I allow myself to cry, I will find that my laughter returns as well.

I just think it might.

Hope When Our Hearts Fail

by ObtainingMercy, posted in A Door of Hope

There are times when our emotions threaten to overwhelm us, when we feel we just can't take any more bad news, when we don't have the strength to try for another day.

The Psalmist expressed it this way:

Psalm 40:11 Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from
me, O LORD: let
thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually preserve me.

12
For innumerable evils have compassed me about: mine iniquities have
taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than
the hairs of mine head: therefore my heart faileth me.

So often, however, we insist on suffering through these times without the comfort of our God.  We harden our hearts to His Word.

We use the methods of the world to comfort ourselves during these times:

  • alcohol to numb the pain
  • music to drown the crying
  • tobacco to soothe the hurt
  • food to block the agony
  • pornography to forget the reality
  • work to avoid the misery
  • adrenaline thrills to escape the bitter ache
  • activity to ignore the despair

We need to turn our back on these evasions, and turn our face toward the only One who can bring us through the heartbreak with victory.

God is not afraid of your emotions.  After all, as Creator, He is the one who blessed you with this gift of "feeling". 

Believe me, He has heard every blasphemous accusation before.  He is no stranger to the depths to which our emotions can take us.

We need to incline our hearts to Him, and allow Him to heal our failing hearts. 

We need to agree with the Psalmist at the beginning of Psalm 40, when he proclaimed:

1 I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and
heard my cry.

2 He brought me up also out of an horrible
pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established
my goings.

We need to trust Him to be our salvation, even in the midst of our fear and despair.

13
Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me: O LORD, make haste to help me.

14
Let them be ashamed and confounded together that seek after my soul to
destroy it; let them be driven backward and put to shame that wish me
evil.

15 Let them be desolate for a reward of their shame
that say unto me, Aha, aha.

16 Let all those that seek thee
rejoice and be glad in thee: let such as love thy salvation say
continually, The LORD be magnified.

May we remember who we are, and never forget the great God that He is:

17 But I am poor and
needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me: thou art my help and my deliverer;
make no tarrying, O my God.

My Help.  My Deliverer.  My Heart-Mender. My Hope.

Believe Him and All Will Be Well

by ObtainingMercy, posted in A Door of Hope, Just My Thoughts

Life is exhausting, isn't it?  I know that sounds silly, but that's how I feel today.  I am physically tired and the bad news has just rolled in all day long, it seems:

  • Friends just starting their battle with cancer. 
  • Other friends in the midst of their battle with cancer who are so weakened by the cure that they cannot care for themselves right now. 
  • Precious friends struggling in their marriages, trying to find relief from the pain of unmet needs and unfulfilled dreams. 
  • Friends trying to determine God's will for their lives – choosing between ministry or marriage. 
  • One friend keeping vigil by her sick child's hospital bed, while trying to figure out just what is making her special needs kiddo even sicker than usual right now.

And I have a headache. 

Yeah. 

I was going to complain on FaceBook about that…

Until I read all the other emails, and statuses, and texts that brought all of the above info…

Now, I'm just counting my blessings and praying for my loved ones.

The best medicine for the "woe-is-me's" is a good dose of reality; and then a spoonful of the tonic of a "gratitude attitude".

God is so good to me!  I know He will meet my needs, and that He will be a Mighty God to all of my friends, as well.

It's ok for us to be troubled some days by this life that we are living…as long as that causes us to turn our eyes to our wonderful Saviour…as long as we "look full in His wonderful face".  We will find that "the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."*

Blessings to you,

Alesha

*Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

Reflecting on 2009

by ObtainingMercy, posted in A Door of Hope

The new year is usually a time for reflection.  Yesterday I read many blog posts and Facebook statuses written by folks who were looking back on the old year and looking forward to the new one.

Here at our house, we did not spend much time in deep reflection yesterday.  We were too busy caring for our son who was very ill.  We found out that you don't have much time for ruminating when you are busy counting hours between asthma treatments, keeping track of medication dosages and reading thermometers.

I did take a few minutes this morning, though, to think briefly about last year.  It was not an easy one for me personally.  I spent many weeks of 2009 bed-ridden or home-bound due to health issues.  I have not been able to care for my son on my own for several months now, and am not able to do much by way of housekeeping either.

However, it would be very untruthful for me to say that 2009 was a hard year.

Honestly, it was a year of great peace in my home.  We have leaned hard on the Lord, and found Him infinitely faithful.

I have also felt His great peace personally in my heart and soul this year.  God has been very real and close to me.

It must be said, however, that this year of peacefulness did not come about because we are very spiritual people.

It happened because we are very simple people.

  • God said, "Truly God is good to Israel, even to such as are of a clean heart."  (Psalm 73:1)

So we believed that He was good.

  • God said, "It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man."  (Psalm 118:8)

So we trusted Him.

  • God said, "The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way."  (Psalm 37:23)

So we followed Him.

  • God said, "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."  (I Peter 5:7)

So we did not worry over the future.

A peaceful life is simple:  Just believe what God says about Himself.

I wonder…

What will God teach us about Himself in 2010?

I look forward to finding out. 🙂

A Psalm of Encouragement

by ObtainingMercy, posted in A Door of Hope

Psalm 38

[1] O LORD, rebuke me not in thy wrath: neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure.
[2] For thine arrows stick fast in me, and thy hand presseth me sore.
[3] There is no soundness in my flesh because of thine anger; neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sin.
[4] For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as an heavy burden they are too heavy for me.
[5] My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness.
[6] I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long.
[7] For my loins are filled with a loathsome disease: and there is no soundness in my flesh.
[8] I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart.
[9] Lord, all my desire is before thee; and my groaning is not hid from thee.
[10] My heart panteth, my strength faileth me: as for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me.
[11] My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore; and my kinsmen stand afar off.
[12]
They also that seek after my life lay snares for me: and they that seek
my hurt speak mischievous things, and imagine deceits all the day long.
[13] But I, as a deaf man, heard not; and I was as a dumb man that openeth not his mouth.
[14] Thus I was as a man that heareth not, and in whose mouth are no reproofs.
[15] For in thee, O LORD, do I hope: thou wilt hear, O Lord my God.
[16] For I said, Hear me, lest otherwise they should rejoice over me: when my foot slippeth, they magnify themselves against me.
[17] For I am ready to halt, and my sorrow is continually before me.
[18] For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin.
[19] But mine enemies are lively, and they are strong: and they that hate me wrongfully are multiplied.
[20] They also that render evil for good are mine adversaries; because I follow the thing that good is.
[21] Forsake me not, O LORD: O my God, be not far from me.
[22] Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation.

Where Do I Find Hope?

by ObtainingMercy, posted in A Door of Hope

Romans 15:4

For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.

Hope comes through patience.

Oh great!

But wait, where do we find our patience?

Our patience comes through the comfort of the Scriptures.

When we read the Word, we find the stories of other Christ-followers.  Many times, I have found great encouragement reading how another Christian handled an adversity. 

Sometimes, I've even found comfort in the telling of their failures.

Everything in the Bible was written for us…that we might learn from it. 

The knowledge we glean from the Word of God teaches us about the character of God, and how He works with His children.  The more I know of the character of God, the more I can trust Him for my life.

  • As I read the Scriptures,
  • I find comfort there
  • and I learn to be patient as God is working in me. 

That comfort and that patience give me hope!

Hope in His Help

by ObtainingMercy, posted in A Door of Hope

Romans 11:33-36

O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!  how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!
For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor?
Or who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again?
For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things:  to whom be glory for ever. Amen.

There will be things in our lives that we do not understand.  In fact, we may go to our grave having never fully grasped what God was doing in a certain situation in our life.

We must, however, remember that God's wisdom and knowledge are so deep that we cannot know them.  We could search our entire lives and never understand His ways.

He is that much greater than we are. 

So why is it that we try to tell God how He should do a thing? 

I find myself constantly informing God of situations that need His intervention.  Or I go to Him in prayer, only to begin praying out my plan for how He could solve a problem.

What in the world am I thinking? 

Ah…maybe that's the problem:  I am only "in the world".  I am human.  I am not divine.  I do not have the tiniest inkling of the understanding and wisdom that God has.

Let's have the faith to stop micromanaging God.  Just let Him take care for things.  Take our hands off the situation, and with a heart full of hope in His promises, give it to our awesome God.

He has promised that He will work it to our good.  Allow this trial to work out a greater faith and trust in your heart as well. 

God, help us to leave it in Your hands.  Amen.